Questioning Sexual Fixations

You know that thing that they say happens when someone says "don't think of elephants" and the first thing that comes into your mind is elephants?  I think that sex is like that, but on a much grander scale.  

The many ways we're told at once to not think about sex and to think only about sex completely shapes the way do think about sex.  And when I hear people speak of sexual fixations - which are usually negative - I always wonder a little about how we come to define what is an unhealthy amount to think about sex when in so many parts of society the message is that any thinking about sex outside of a heterosexual marriage, is just a little be sleazy.  This week's newsletter theme began with an email from a reader whose boyfriend is fixated on orgasms in a way that isn't helping either of them.  ~  Cory

Someone forward you this email? No Sweat! Sign up here to get your own If you're having trouble viewing this email, click here Follow Us Questioning Sexual Fixations You know that thing that they say happens when someone says "don't think of elephants" and the first thing that comes into your mind is elephants?  I think that sex is like that, but on a much grander scale.   The many ways we're told at once to not think about sex and to think only about sex completely shapes the way do think about sex.  And when I hear people speak of sexual fixations - which are usually negative - I always wonder a little about how we come to define what is an unhealthy amount to think about sex when in so many parts of society the message is that any thinking about sex outside of a heterosexual marriage, is just a little be sleazy.  This week's newsletter theme began with an email from a reader whose boyfriend is fixated on orgasms in a way that isn't helping either of them.  ~  Cory Cory Silverberg Sexuality Expert My Boyfriend Wants Me to Orgasm An About.com reader writes: "My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 years. We were hot and heavy for 5 years and then I got chronically ill.  The drugs I was given destroyed my sexual desire and ability to orgasm. I told my boyfriend many times that I really enjoyed sex with and without orgasm and would like to have sex. He was upset and said he didn't want sex if I didn't "enjoy it."  I feel stuck and unhappy. We are very close in many other ways and I don't think either of us wants to end the relationship, but I am at my wit's end with this. Suggestions?"   READ NOW Am I a Sex Addict? We've gone a few months without a celebrity sex addict coming forward.  So maybe now is a good time to revisit this most media friendly of sexual fixations. READ NOW Can I Get Rid of My Fetish? These days people use the word fetish to describe anything above a mild interest in anything, from coffee to shoes to video games. But for some people a fetish is a real, and troubling fixation.  The tricky thing is that when it has to do with sex, how do you know whether you're feeling bad for a fixation or feeling bad because we're not supposed to ever enjoy sex that much? READ NOW Is My Porn Habit Ruining Sex with my Boyfriend? This About.com reader counters the traditional narrative about who is watching too much porn. READ NOW Featured Articles • 5 Types Of Men You Don't Want To Date After Divorce • Why Creating Private Rituals is Important After a Loss • What Does Sex Feel Like? • Inside the Marriage of Justine Simmons and Rev Run • 11 Financial Issues Men Should Consider During Divorce • 9 great quotes about being happy • 4 Things To Avoid When Dating After Divorce • How to Act When You're Not Officially Dating Someone Advertisement About Sexuality  |  Follow Us You are receiving this newsletter because you subscribed to the Sexuality newsletter. If you wish to unsubscribe, please click here 1500 Broadway, 6th Floor, New York, NY, 10036 © 2015 About.com - All rights reserved. Privacy Policy.